How Business Agents Fool Customers: An example to demonstrate profiteering.



Solomon Grundy died on a Saturday. As his soul was floating up, he was stopped by Metatron.

Metatron is considered the personal secretary to God: he scribes God's Will, jots down the Judgement that has been delivered upon each soul, and passes it on to the Departed. In other words, the first voice you hear after your death is that of Metatron, not God. And the first one you meet after your death is Metatron, not God.

So all the lousy-headed, flea-balled, gore-monging, ISIS-lauding, yellow-biled camel-fuckers who kill in the name of God so that they can meet Him after death, can go suck one another other off on this.

But I digress.

At first this man was confused, not knowing what to make of this halting; it was his first experience at death. Like a first-time flyer, he stared listlessly for further instructions at the gentle face of Metatron, who now took out his scribe-board and read out the Judgement:

"You have been stout of health and strong of character, and have lived your days by The Book. Choose between both the Gates and make your mind to pass through one of them. Your wish shall be granted."

The man gave a sigh of relief. In his heart, he was surely choosing Heaven but years of preaching had flamed his inquisitiveness, and out of sheer curiosity, he ended up peeping through the Gates of Hell.

He had expected to hear ear-splitting screams of pain and suffering, see souls being drowned alive in cauldrons of boiling lard, and tortured souls being flogged while dragging sledge.

But he was in for a huge surprise.

There was a sharp contrast. Neither could he hear a scream, nor see a soul in torture. A purplish, mellow gleam had settled all over the place, and a spotlight was fixed on a rostrum.

It was surrounded by prominent lawyers, politicians, actors, advertising giants, lawmakers and other important-looking people. Everyone was dressed in shiny, colourful, satin gowns and were sipping expensive wines from ruby-lined glasses.

Sensuous music was streaming from the background and gorgeous women were swaying to the tunes of it, on the rostrum.

Solomon picked up his jaw from the floor and wiped his drool. He thought- "Boy... if this is Hell, then Heaven must be some classy deal." With a happy, expectant heart, he peeped through the Gates of Heaven.

There were vanilla-colored clouds floating all around. In fact, the entire place looked like a vanilla cloud. Three bored, half-sleepy girls with white wings were plucking on harps in a corner.

The tunes were those from the Sunday Psalms. There were a few ripe fruits lying around. People were walking in white robes, drinking water from white jugs. Solomon's eyes had started hurting from the white.

Notions of both Heaven and Hell were diametrically different for him now. He started pondering: these two places were nothing like what he had been led to believe in his life. He is not going to make the same mistake in his Afterlife too.

With a changed perception, he looked at Metatron and said:

"Let me to Hell."

Metatron (apprehensively)- "Are you sure?"
Solomon- "Hell, yeah!"

Sure enough, within a few minutes, Solomon was treading the soils of Hell. But lo and Behold! What could have possibly happened here!

Gone were the soft glows! Gone were the lights! Gone were the wines and women! Alas! Gone was the soothing music too!

The air was now pungent with the reek of burning flesh, and the floors were sticky from bile and blood. From a distance, one could hear the heart-rending cries of souls being boiled alive in cauldrons of molten lard shoot through the icy-cold air.

The magnitude of his folly had barely started to manifest itself on Solomon when RAPT!! came a cracking whip on his back, peeling his skin and tearing the flesh off his being, soaking him in blood.

He dropped like lead on the floor writhing in pain, and turned around to meet his tormentor. It was Satan. There was an evil grin on his face.

"Why? Why did you do this to me? Why did you fool me? Why? WHY? WHY!!!!"- shouted Solomon.

Satan smiled and replied:-
"Simple. Yesterday, you were a prospect. Now, you are a customer."

RAPT!!!!
(to be continued...)

i


Why has Facebook become so boring nowadays?



When the radio was first put into use during World War-1 by the clueless Belgians, the idea was to successfully transmit messages about impeding air-strikes by the deadly German Fokker planes (yeah, that was the name of their plane, and they say the Germans have no sense of humour) and to warn their civilians of the imminent, air-borne threat.


Messages would be transmitted over large distances in Morse Code, expanded to words later, and then broadcast from the local radio stations to all over the town. Every piece of information flying down the wire would be taken up by all the local radio channels in the area, who would then play, replay and then play it again till someone complained of nausea. The explanation was- "We are spreading awareness on war."

But you had to be there to see the kind of frenzy this loop-reporting created: so when the Germans took one step closer, all the 213 radio stations would start reporting the same thing 213 times, so much so that it seems as if the Germans have taken 213 steps and are banging on your front door and have broken through it.


You could practically taste German gun in your mouth. That was the kind of panic and hysteria this kind of reporting caused That was then. This is now. And the joke, unfortunately, is still on.


Thanks to everyone, Facebook has finally become one of the blandest places to spend time on. The novelty is dead. What has replaced it instead, are endless loops of the same statements of the same facts on the same news at the same place by the same people again, and again, and again.... and yet, again.

So when Bipasha Basu breaks up with someone (not again), the looping gives the impression that she has broken off with half the male population of the planet.


When India wins a match, the one-line statuses by the self-proclaimed, upstanding torch-bearers of the society make one wonder if India hasn't actually won the Third World War. When Messi scores a goal, it appears as if these jerks were the privileged few who secured this information from reliable, high-placed sources and are now doing a favour on the rest of humanity by sharing this secret with us.


Thanks to these dumpies, what once upon a time was a fun place to be on, has turned into one of those prison diaries of a raging, war-fixated maniac who keeps on writing- "Murder" over and over again 

Fokker planes: Germans named them. And we say they don't have humour





Long before we first set eyes on Rani Mukerji's Shivani Shivaji Roy, we overhear a conversation between two cops who are driving through the streets of Mumbai. Their voices muted and the tone so casual, you could be in the rear seat yourself. They park their car for a moment, their senior hops in, they drive away, and the conversation resumes. They are rejoicing over one of them getting granted leave for the next day; the next day is Sunday.


This one scene, expertly written, becomes the fulcrum upon which this slightly uneven, but thoroughly engaging film is hinged. I said to myself- "The marketing may have fooled me but it's clearly about public service rendered at the cost of private alienation.This is art-house cinema at it's best. And most accessible."

This crew now enters the premises of a slum-house to apprehend a culprit. The camera moves in with the characters and takes a breathtaking pan-shot. I had by now gotten used to this tone- which was still muted- and the cinematography, which was, until now, exquisite. The build-up of tension up to this scene was so palpable, you could have heard an ant walking in the silence of the theatre.

But just then, Shivani makes a gesture to her team to take charge, and immediately, out of nowhere, a tacky background score starts playing. Cue- the whistlers in the front row, the couples in the side seats and the family with the bucket of buttered chips needn't be scared. Calm down, rest assured- we are, after all, watching a commercial movie.

I could write pages on the numerous possibilities that scene could have turned out as, but then, seeing that this is a movie coming out of Yash Raj Films Studios, which is alternatively known as Your Rear's Fucked Studios, maybe I could put grudges aside on this one, and just celebrate the miracle that this film got made the way it has been.

When the movie's name is as feisty as 'Mardani', you walk in expecting lecherous guys getting pummelled under raw feminine angst. It's there, but nothing had prepared me for the delicious clash between art-house and commercial this one is. The issue is child-trafficking, but what comes as a welcome breath of fresh air is that despite the grim subject, every character is etched out beautifully enough to let the audience feel for it. Even the bad guys cry here; they too pledge loyalty. That's acting and writing in perfect harmony. In other words, it's not Madhur Bhandarkaresque- where good is bad, bad is bad, with some same-gender sex scenes thrown in.



It needs to be mentioned that Rani imbibes the character completely; I had loved her as the ballsy journalist in 'Nobody killed Jessica' but here, she had multiple shades to portray. For a movie that presents her almost entirely as a cop, interestingly, it's her emotional scenes that shine out. What I loved about the film was that every actor had a juicy scene to bite into. When Shivani sees a severed finger, the tough cop in her gets shattered and the mother gives away. She turns back and collapses, not on the ground, but on her husband's chest who gives her not only support, but also helps her pluck up grunge.



And you should have seen Jisshu's eyes in this scene; they were visibly smouldering. Suddenly, his reason of being a part of this movie became clear to me. He was basically wallpaper till now, but cometh the occasion, he simply stole this scene; hell, he waltzed away with it. If you get one such scene in a movie, you don't need lead roles. You could make those five-minute appearances and still be loaded with offers.

All in all, if you want to catch a sensible cop movie between the Sighams and the Dabanngs, you would do well to pick this one


Rani Mukerji is stellar in 'Mardani'

One of the best poems on globalization and global warming in India

On such a day, not very far away, a girl had asked a boy
Why does the Cloud, so large and loud, stay not and give some joy?

I know we two- just me and you- would love it stretch its stay
Why does it, not rest a bit, and play here if it may?

Would not it, with its lining lit, with silver hues and grey
Listen to us, indulge our fuss, and not turn its back away?

The boy turned his head, on his knee was laid, a book of colour green
"This very town, was once all brown, when the Cloud was here last seen"

It was basking, when it heard someone asking- "Won't you rain today?"
It was a farmer, with a voice like murmur, and something sad to say.

The land was dry, none knew why, and the Sun kept blazing all day
The air was hot, the well a blot, trees long wilted away

The Cloud felt sorrow, and on the morrow, blessed the town with rain.
Earth was drizzled, though the Sun sizzled, it was no longer a pain.

The trees sprung, the vines wrung, in the glory of water galore
The bells were rung, the songs were sung, taken from the farmer's lore

The lush green fields, came up with yields, and farmer began his prays
When the Cloud from above, through a cove, let just enough sunrays

The town now green, had begun to be seen, as a land of fruit and flower
The farmer had food, which was good, but now he needed power

Power is learning, the eternal yearning, so he sent his son to school.
So that he learns, and dutifully earns, using his mind as tool

But in school they taught, from this book I brought, things so hard and loud
It killed the thought, and the help we sought, of the loving Cloud

They quoted the book, with a smirky look, taught us to tell- "Go away"
On this day, Johnny wants to play, won't you listen to our say?

Hearing words so tart, with a heavy heart, the Cloud stopped to rain
The town cheered, the Cloud was jeered, and told not to come again

But without the Cloud, whatever was sowed, only lasted few days.
And all the books, with the clever nooks, couldn't give them new ways.

And back they fell, on the dying well, and drained all the water.
But the wells ran dry, finally all did cry, for some heavenly patter

But twice shy the cloud, who now only bowed, and flew off without a trace
And shamed of their folly, of rebuking the Holy, for the worst did they brace.

And we both just will, have to climb this hill, to take back pails of water
As the land is dry, now we know why- our fathers hated pitter-patter

Now the cloud sails, ignoring the wails, of those who beg in vain
Drought or drown, it skips this town; it now only stops in Spain.

The Latest Campus Questions 2014 India



Latest Campus Questions 2014, India
Latest Campus Questions 2014, India
Latest Campus Questions 2014, India

Funniest reviews of 'Humshakals' in India (latest): Reviews of Transformers: Age of extinction: Reviews of Ek Villain



I had gone to see 'Humshakals' recently- yes, I had- and I remember appreciating Tamannah looking like a Sugar Babe, hopping around in that racy, pink number on 'Caller Tune'. I also remember appreciating the choreographer, who had created a catchy step that even those of us born with two left feet can follow. And that... That was the exact moment when the first yawn hit me. And then some more. 

Between slit eyelids, I vaguely remember comparing Bipasha Basu with "Morticia Addams in shorts", and barely register some recalling of saying that Ram Kapoor prancing in bikinis on a beach could be the reason behind the next Lunar Eclipse, but by that time, I was leaning hard on my friend's sleeve, snoring in a pool of drool.

I had heard that film is a powerful medium and it can stir strong emotions in you like Hatred, Sorrow, Melancholy and Love, but we might just be the one proud nation in the entire world that has borne a new-age genius, who can stir another incredibly powerful emotion- Fatigue. And never before in my entire life, had an AC theater been so sleep-inducing. Thank you, Messrs. Sajid Khan, for drowsing and dousing our lives in equal measures 

===================================================================================


But the worst was still in store. I had reached Bhubaneswar yesterday after a long, grueling week and decided to check out one of the latest releases- "Transformers: Age of Extinction"

I could crash Facebook writing on "Transformers: Age of Extinction", but let me save you from the wrath of my fury by explaining, in a just a few words, what the movie-watching experience was:

Plug a pair of speakers to your laptop, rock the volume-knob to the highest notch and start playing "Du hast mich" by Rammstein and "Gloomy Sunday" by Rezső Seress at the same time. Now run around the entire room tossing a few steel pots and pans in the air every ten seconds, and let them crash on to the concrete floor. Get a hot-ass babe in shorts to join you, and there you have- The Complete Recipe'; The Comprehensive "Transformers" experience.

P.S- When the lights were switched-on at the 'assumed' interval, the guy sitting beside me looked at me and said- "Wow, man. That's a mighty impressive face tattoo. Respect"

The "tattoo" was actually a network of veins on my forehead, standing taut and about to pop 

==========================================================================

With such a bitter after-taste, I said to myself- " 'Ek Villain' can NOT be worse", and walked into the theater.

In the first ten minutes, I had come to the conclusion that this movie's infinitely more enjoyable if seen with the psycho-sexual subtext. Here's a husband who limps, in every possible way, in front of his wife and compensates for this alpha-male emasculation by plunging something long and hard inside other ladies. Here it is a screw-driver, but it could very well be a phallic symbol for... you know. 

Sidhharth Malhotra might never get over the fact that his only achievement could be exuding an 'Alok Nath' kind of amiable warmth on-screen, with the milk-of-human-kindness in his bosom. Here, you could practically taste the straining and huffing he does to get into the character of a tough guy. Sincere effort, but as they say- no cigar.

And I might sound like a tough oak here, but for a victim who dies in the first five minutes of the movie, it's actually Shraddha Kapoor who kills the movie. And not in a good way. The relentless chatter she unleashes on us is supposed to create the mental picture of a sweet-melancholy girl. But the image it manages to create is that of Arnab Goswami in drag.

But Riteish does take you by surprise. And the credit goes to Mohit Suri here, for casting him against type. In fact, everybody seems to be cast against type except, of course, Kamaal R Khan, who's as obnoxious here as that lecher journalist in Asshiqui-2.(Spelling mistake, deliberate)

After watching these three movies, I could recall another famous scene from yet another movie, where a character sitting in the darkness, would be glum-fully asking to himself- "Hum jeeyein, ki nahin jeeyein?"



Thoughts on overcrowded streets of India and India's traffic problem


Well, well! Now if this isn't the Mother of all coincidences! 

When the entire town was busy with (in the following order) either updating their FB profiles, checking up with their relatives, pissing their pants, or generally being a wuss in the throes of the earthquake, I was comfortably nestled in one of those comfy seats of a movie theater, watching the Daddy of all monsters, Godzilla give some serious mouth-to-mouth to a very distressed creature.

And the scene was an absolute 'blast' in every possible way; the entire hall shook from the thud and crash and unknown to me, the world outdoors was experiencing similar tremors as well! 

But the fact that the day would be no ordinary one made itself clear when I was walking out of the theatre. I was standing there at the gates, when an auto-rickshaw rode past me and parked right in front. I watched, wide-eyed with sheer disbelief, as about half a village came out of that vehicle. One. Two. Three... Six. Seven... I lost the will to count after 10, and yet, guy after guy kept tumbling out. And they came in all shapes and sizes, too. 

The Man of the family was the last to get out, with his daughter's elbow shoved upto his throat, and a slipper in his arm-pits. I looked at this family that was half the population of Somalia, and for a second, thought that maybe this was a congregation visiting the nearest church. But then, nobody was saying "Father"; it was all a barrage of "Papa!" 

I walked upto the driver of the auto-rickshaw who was now, quite understandably, facing some issues with re-starting the vehicle. He told me that atleast five of them had traveled horizontally. I asked him whether he had experienced the earthquake. He said- "Yeah, for the past 30 minutes." and then began muttering curses under his breath in a steady torrent. 

And boy... you should have heard that rap- the vocabulary was simply out of this world, and the lines were quite innovative too. He had cleverly replaced the 'mother' word with 'father' in all his curses (which strangely felt justified to me) and kept raining abuses till his heart, or his jaw, hurt from any further venting

overcrowding of vehicles in India



Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment 2014: Latest English questions on Verbal Ability and Reading Comprehension.



Hi, friends! 


As of now, here's the Question Set. It's short, it's witty, it's insane, and as always, it's so damn simple! Go bonkers! 

The answers, along with their justification, will be issued in the next post. Till then- au revoir

Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section
Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section
Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section
Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section
Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section
Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section
Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section
Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section
Latest Question Sets for Campus Recruitment: English Section

Latest pictures of haunted places in Odisha: Latest haunted places in Odisha

What if you drop off the edge of your bed one night, and instead of hitting the hard concrete floor, keep free-falling through a dark, scary tunnel until you land in an underworld, where the sweetest dreams from your childhood co-exist with some of your worst nightmares?

Spooky, isn't it?  Well, the trip (in every sense of the word) had just begun for me. It was 11 'o' clock by my watch, when my bike was zooming off the highway down a dirt road. I was about 174 kilometers off the nearest NH and hadn't reached my destination yet.

"I'll take you there, but let me warn you- you are about to visit a place you wouldn't ever dream of visiting again." was my guide's terse warning over the phone when I had called him the day prior to the journey. He's a government-service employee at the nearest town and hence, could receive my call; the place I was headed to apparently has no cellular towers.

These words of his kept playing on in my mind as my bike growled into the heart of the forest. I finally shook off all thoughts of the consequences and looked around. The forest was as silent as the bottom of a well. I turned a corner and suddenly spotted a group of women with brass pots on their heads. I greeted them, and in a mischievous turn, honked my horn at them.

To my sheer astonishment, they scattered away like ravens on hearing the horn! They kept shrieking at the sight of me as if I were some unearthly being! Later, while we were riding off to his place, I narrated this incident to my guide. He gave a hearty laugh and said:

"Well, that's an improvement! Believe it or not, there was a time when these people used to be afraid of walking on pitch roads!"


Haunted places in Odisha: Everybody had disappeared on hearing the sound of the approaching bike This road has never been used by the villagers. Reason? They ate simply scared of it.

It was overcast when I reached his place and as soon as I stepped inside his home, which was more of a glorified hut, the clouds opened up and rain came pelting down. With the dust and dirt washed away, the newly-laid roads started giving a pitch-black luster. It was amusing to me that these very roads were tricking me by mirages before sometime, and are now shining like jet-ribbons in the rain.

My host was now busy with a visitor who had called upon him to see if he can borrow some kerosene. The electricity supply was down, the lantern was up, and I was sitting inside the hut staring out of the window at the heavy downpour of rain, while slowly sipping from my cup some kind of hot, root-heavy drink that tasted neither of tea nor coffee, but of wood-dust roasted over slow flame.

During the course of a casual chat, the visitor asked me a strange question- "Tumar sahar ar luko ga naago saap ar mani dekhchanti je?" (Have you town-dwellers ever seen such a thing as- "naag-mani"?).

I nodded my head in the negative but I said to myself- "Oh, come on... naag-mani, eh? I agree that this drink tastes funny but I'm not high on this junk, okay? So let's get rid of the horse..."

Even before my thought had concluded, we had all become passive listeners to an animated narrator, who had started a shocking chain of conversation, replete with such gory details that at one point of time, I was about to yell- "STOP!"

But the air was cold, the room was dark, the rain was pouring still... the forces of nature were at their peak. He asked me if I would be interested to hear a tale. I wanted him to stop; all I could manage was to helplessly nod and lead him on. A loud thunder rumbled in the distance.

He continued

"So, what you do is- you capture a banded krait alive, then thrash the living lights out of it till it's half dead (I was about to throw up at this juncture). You put this half-dead snake in an earthen pot that has been soaked in water for 48 hours. Cover the rim with an earthen lid and weigh it down with something heavy- a mortar/pestle will do fine.

Next, you place this pot on an open-fire. The snake's supposed to thrash about inside the pot for its life in about ten minutes but you are not to interfere in this "sacrifice". It will soon stop thrashing around so just let it get charred completely. Once done, you can open up the lid and start scraping the ashes.

You are most certain to find a shiny, effulgent object in the ashes- that's a naag-mani for you. The old saying goes that the possessor of this invaluable stone claims enough power to be the ruler of the universe."

I was listening intently, with wood-logs from the nearby fire-lit stove crackling away. The rains were lashing against the roof, the gray skies occasionally lighting up bright-pink from a giant flash of lightning.

And there I was- a rational, city-bred, well-educated and well-read guy from the urbane life, giving away to these tales of folklore. But then, rational thoughts had no place in a fantasy-driven world like this. It was a feeling impossible to describe- it's almost as if you have one foot sunk in reality and the other foot floating away towards a fantasy world... dragging the rest of your body along its stream.

A return from this place in this gale was impossible. My host realized this and was generous to offer me an over-night stay at his place. "Moreover", he added, "there's more where that story came from". With this bait thrown, he knew I had to bite it. Overnight stay it was.


Haunted places in Odisha: A candle-lit dinner (with me) to anyone who can tell me what's this picture all about.

I woke up early the next morning. My host had refreshments ready and after a light breakfast, we started on a casual morning stroll. The sun was shining and the raindrops caught in the leaves were glowing like gems. 

A few steps down the road, we could see a much elderly person walking towards us. My guy later told me that he was the oldest living person in the village. After a brief introduction, this old man points to this tree and says:

"We call it the "unaasi brukhsya", which translates to " the fruitless tree". They use the same phrase to describe infertile women here. This tree here has never bloomed one leaf. As per legend, you can find crows perching on it (only crows, mind you) and a few rats gnawing at its roots, but this tree hasn't fallen in years. If at all, it has gained height and casts a shadow even on a moonless night. "Were anybody to stand in the shadow of this tree that time, ..."
He didn't complete the sentence and I asked him no further.  
Haunted places in Odisha: The fruitless tree: the foreboding of evil in these parts. 

These are swings now, but the story behind these structures isn't so jovial. These arches used to be hanging-frames for women and men (but predominantly women) who were suspected of sorcery. They were hanged with their toe-nails just about scraping the earth beneath.

If they were to stretch downwards even an inch to support the weight of their bodies on their toes, their necks would be snapped off their spines, and they would thrash about in the throes of an extremely prolonged and painful death. Many people preferred to use their toes in digging a hole beneath their feet to speed up the hanging.



Haunted places in Odisha: Witch-hunt and sorcery in Odisha

It was pitch dark by now. Electricity loves playing peek-a-boo in these parts, and owing to the absolute silence that is cast in the absence of vehicles, crowds or television, I could hear sounds that I had thought to be extinct by now- toads croaking in the forests, owls hooting away, birds chirping in their nests, even hyenas giggling away in the distance. it was a surreal experience- something that I won't recommend, but won't altogether strike off as well.

Haunted places in Odisha

Why Whatsapp scares the shit out of me: The biggest disadvantages of Whatsapp

NEWS FLASH OF THE DAY!!!


After resisting tremendous amounts of coaxing, persuasion- even downright humiliation- for a long period of time, I finally caved in and broke my Whatsapp virginity today. Seemed the right kind of day for it, too.


Those who know, know that even if I am officially declaring it now, I had actually signed up with Whatsapp last year, but have been using the service only for the past few days- trying to test the murky waters before taking a full-blooded plunge into yet another world of social-networking.


After trying it out dedicatedly, I would say in conclusion, that it's quite an intriguing little thing- equal parts addictive, equal parts seductive, equal parts annoying, and equal parts dangerous****. Reminds me of Mata Hari.


The addictive and seductive part is there for everybody to see, so no point in expanding upon that thought. The annoying part (atleast for me) was that there's NO SIGN-OUT! Anybody can send me a message anytime he/she wants and if I can't reply, I am the one in danger of getting labelled a 'sourpuss' and a 'drama queen'.



RAP SONGS IN INDIA: LYRICS FOR RAP SONGS IN INDIA

I have a friend in Hyderabad who's a DJ in some club. When I had met him on my recent trip to the city, he asked me to pen down a few lines for him to rap during the songs' interludes. The crowd loved it. I hope you guys do too. 

*Warning- The subject material is serious, the lyrics dark, and language very coarse. If you are looking for something more sugary, steer away.


Here it goes:-

Remember when you told me how's the world so cool?
And how everybody's in it to win and rule
And then the way you'd always point at me and say-
"Don't worry kid, someday you'll have your day" 

Remember the time you thought I was sun & moon?
And now, to you I am just another fucking loon
Just what makes you think I got you down?
Is it coz I ain't an ass-kisser in a fancy gown?

Remember the time I played, and you clapped & cheered?
And now you crush my heart when you say I'm weird
Which brings me down to asking you this thing-
If you didn't want me, what made you wear a fucking ring?

And give me, of all things, my fucked-up life
Which is full of this trash, unending strife
My mother's gone, and so's your wife
And your words cut in like a knife

You are left without a companion, I get you are bitter
But look across the table; I ain't no better
You leave with your friends, for times that are sweeter
And leave to me rut in this screwed-up gutter!

And I meet two-faced people who always say-
"Oh, don't worry, kid, you'll still have your day"
To all those oily bitches who wish me luck
All I wanna say to them is - "Fuckitty-fuck!"

I don't wanna your luck, your false sympathy!
You slimy-faced buggers! You're shit! You're naathin'!
I just wanna live my life, is it so tough?
To just let me live for once- free and rough?

Or you wanna me to dress in a coat and gown?
So that you hold your head high in the town?
And when the sun finally goes sinking down
I look in the mirror; all I see is a fucking clown

What makes you think amounts to success?
Is it money in the banks, life lived to excess?
What about how I want to live?


Or is it that, like mommy, you wanna me to leave?


*Dedicated to the memories of a childhood friend who committed suicide after suffering from severe post-traumatic stress when he lost his job in the times of recession. May his soul rest in peace.




A traveler's account of the tribals living in Odisha: The magic of Slow-motion photography in Odisha



In a matter of days, the time had come for me to summon a sporting spirit, take time off my packed schedule, dust my bike, and embark on a long road-trip to one of the remotest and most isolated villages in Odisha, sitting squarely on the Dhenkanal-Keonjhar border. 
The following travelogue is an account of my journey to this village and, miraculously, back. 


Our journey had started in the wee hours of the morning, so that we could escape the glaring rays of the Sun. And yet, by the time we reached this restaurant, we were sweaty as a set of balls. And this was our breakfast: Oily and hollow as Mallya.


Baraa, one of the breakfast dishes in Odisha
Gulgula, one of the breakfast dishes in Odisha

Remember the story of a restaurant-owner who, when asked why there's a dead fly in the curry, had said- "the fly is for free"?




From the place I come from, if you go around in a car of this color, you better be a taxi-driver.



latest pictures of funny cars in India

This man clearly loves his munchies and his nature together.



Funny people in Odisha


Vast expanse of cool, inviting water. Now I know why the films of the "pre-air-conditioner" era had heroines, whose most preferred idea of suicide was flinging themselves off a bridge.



 latest pictures of rivers in Odisha

 latest pictures of rivers in Odisha


And in stark contrast to the above picture, there's this white-hot road, that looks good enough to melt anytime. Just looking at it hurts my innards.



 latest pictures of rivers in Odisha


This is me making my love for the Sun obvious. Screw Harry Potter; I have a much brighter bolt at the tip of my wand.



Latest Summer pictures of Odisha: Why is summer so hot in Odisha?


The outskirts of my friend's village. My mind was laced with nostalgic whiffs from childhood...



 latest pictures of tribal life in Odisha

Latest pictures of tribals in Odisha

Here's the tent where the hosts would be serving the guests lunch- which was piping hot rice and boiling hot daal. When I dipped my finger in the porridge, I could feel the skin on my fingers peeling off.



Latest pictures of tribals in Odisha


Latest pictures of tribals in Odisha


What was the last time you had seen a road THIS red? It was as if somebody had sprinkled "Everest ka teekha laal" all over the road.



latest pictures of villages and village roads in Odisha

latest pictures of village huts in Odisha


Latest pictures of village roads in Odisha


This valley came as a blessing. Not only it gave a smooth ride to our asses- which were by now purple with all the humps- but also informed us that post-industrial human civilization has indeed touched this village.



latest pictures of valleys in Odisha

 

What was the last time you had water from one of these?


latest pictures of village utensils in Odisha: Indian Lota

latest pictures of village huts in Odisha

 House of the groom. Quite serene, isn't it? Just the calm before the storm.


latest pictures of village huts in Odisha
 

Here we are- riding down to the storm-maker's, err... I mean, the bride's place.


latest pictures of forests in Odisha
 

Just check out the rich foliage. Leaves of millions of colors and hues.


latest pictures of rich forest life in Odisha

Latest pictures of forest life of Odisha


And here we are- finally. The bride's place. The festivities had already begun by the time we made our presence felt.


Latest pictures of village huts in Odisha

latest pictures of village shops in Odisha

They don't have sweet-shops here. And they don't have 24*7 electricity as well. What they do have, though, is an unshakable belief in the evil eye, so everything edible is packed and delivered in black polythene here.



latest pictures of superstitions and black magic in India

 Shuddh Desi Oil, this.


latest pictures of village grocery shops in Odisha

And this is their idea of a pub. An abandoned building that used to be a school sometime back, but then in a village rife with Maoist activity, you are lucky to find a building with its roof on.


latest pictures of village schools in Odisha


This is what happens when you provide incomplete instruction- you let in lots of loop-holes.  You read '24-hour ATM' written on the board?  



latest pictures of ATMS in villages of Odisha



When I was riding back, I decided to get the 'Haze Feature' of my camera on and see what I manage to capture- and what I got were some incredible pictures; pictures that could rival Modern Art any day. I would request you to kindly zoom all the pictures from here till the end and watch them in the 'Full Screen Mode' or the 'Slideshow Mode'. You will be blown away.



Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha

Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha
Slow-motion photography in Odisha


Hope you guys had fun! Have a nice day!