KRRISH-3: THE WORST INDIAN MOVIE IS ONE, LONG ADVERTISEMENT

Krrish, krrish... oh, what a pain. Do not show your face again....

Rakesh Roshan has often been referred to as an "astute film-maker" who is as good with the logistics of film-making as he is with the directing of emotional dramas. That explains the 'Krissh' movies, which are targeted specifically at the 'Kids Section' of the crowd and as collateral damage, end up involving their parents as well. His mantra has been- Aim for the kids. Let them rope in the parents. Atleast three birds with one stone. Whatta life... 

That also explains to me why he hasn't looked beyond the 'Krrish' franchise for over ten years now. Why venture into the world of Creativity, when all you have to do is change the female lead every three years and re-shoot the same movie all over, feed some soppy struggle-story in the pre-release press interviews, and reap in multi-million profits?

You might say- "Yeah, well... man's got to do what he's got to do. He has to put food on the table, a family to feed and needs a meal-ticket just like the rest of us." 

Now looking upon the thing from this point of view, it appears to be quite a harmless little exercise, where a businessman masquerading as a film-maker is milking his product for all he can, while the audience is still lapping it up. No harm done. Agreed.

Now, a businessman like him would also know that:-
A single ticket at a multiplex- Rs. 400/-
Popcorn- Rs 200/-
Coke- Rs 150/- 
Three hours of your precious life- Priceless...

And God bless you if you have got a girlfriend/spouse/set of children to cater to. Girls have it easy due to the "Guy pays on a date" quota.

And it is on this front itself, that the makers of 'Krrish-3' owe me an long, sincere apology. For starters, they may reimburse me my ticket, popcorn and coke (a big one) expenses but having said that- there is no excuse for ruining 2 hours and 30 minutes of my life. There's no excuse, either, for marketing a film as an "action movie", and then sending up didactic "moral science" lessons for everyone to suck up to. Somebody tell Rakesh Roshan that we have outgrown Shaktiman.

Maybe it's only me, but the only action I saw was Hritik Roshan, under the pretext of playing Krrish, having a ball kissing two damn hot chicks.

And what was Vivek Oberoi thinking, getting dressed up in a costume that seems to have been sneaked away from the "Boom Boom Robo Da" song sequence? And just when will Krrish dump that piece of garbage stuck to his face?

I sometimes think the character 'Rohit' in the Krrish movies is actually a template for Rakesh Roshan- a lonely somebody who can't communicate with fellow humans, hence ends up creating a product that can only be catered to aliens.

MONSTER FISH CAUGHT IN ODISHA: BIGGEST FISH IN ODISHA

There are very few positives to draw from half of Odisha getting blown away by the recent cyclone Phailin, but for crack-jawed enthusiasts like me, the perks are awesome.

First perk being the freedom to file a paid leave on health grounds any time you want with no questions asked by your dingy boss. Second is- nobody messes with you when you claim insurance for accidental damages.

And third, you get to experience Nature at its resplendent best. With snakes crawling on roads to hens scooting all over the town, it's one hell of a show for the city-bred children, who have never known the joy of scooping up dragonflies in the hollow of their palms. 

And then, there are the fish.

When the cyclone hit Odisha, the thick, heavy downpour got the rivers spilling over the banks,  making roads invisible for well over a fortnight. And that encouraged all the big, deep-water fish to scour for a better place in the area.

However, the one that I'm going to mention is one mean-looking, prize-fighter badass. Weighing at just over 18 kilos, it was one hell of a thrash. Check out the innovative way it got captured in the end. And while at it, also look at the salivating cops who were checking the fish out as if it were Katrina Kaif in bikini.

The Master vs Lincoln: Which is the better movie?

Even if we all agree that were the real Abraham Lincoln to see Daniel Day Lewis' performance in "Lincoln", he would doubt if somebody hadn't walked him into those machines from "Primer" creating a more expressive clone of his, I would reserve special praise and mention for the searing Paul Thomas Anderson's movie- "The Master".

The awesome Daniel Day Lewis in the titular role in 'Lincoln'

Because frankly for all the hullaballoo, I found 'Lincoln' to be quite cold. A lot of reviewers found the movie too informative, too lengthy... too preachy. Some even described it as- "just another piece of political history for the college-going" but I don't understand what else a movie on Lincoln could be. When the film is based on Lincoln, no less, who's the best person to decide what details go in or stay out?

No, my peeve wasn't with the content but with the execution- it was a plain, static, boring movie. And this coming from someone with legendary endurace for crass cinema. I was the one enjoying the movie while the rest of the audience had either slept or left during a screening of  'Fool and Final', a movie that FDA will do good to approve as the ultimate treatment for insomnia.

So when a guy like me watches a movie and feels like lead being injected into his eyelids on atleast two separate occasions, it doesn't generally speak well about the state of things, does it?

On the other hand, somewhere deep inside, I felt a strange kind of resonance with the character Joaquin Phoenix plays in "The Master". Seeing Phoenix baring his soul on screen here, one can't help but wonder if this isn't the closest Cinema could come to portraying... shock.

Joaquin Phoenix IS Freddy Quell. Period.

The kind of shock we get on seeing a naked woman running on a crowded street. With shame and guilt so tearing you apart from the inside that you either bare yourself to clothe her and risk becoming her, or you choose the easy way out of speechlessly looking the other way.

Seeing that character, I could get the soothing sense that soul-scarred freaks could also hope for some kind of closure one day. I had always known Pheonix to be an engaging watch, but the kind of rawness and ambiguity he puts out there as Freddy Quell has not been seen on screen since Stanley Kowalski. And the movie has the flow of Tennyson poetry. 

Yes, you have a deliciously scenery-chewing Tommy Lee Jones as a firebrand in 'Lincoln', but not many things can go wrong in your movie if Philip Seymour Hoffman is starring in it and here in the titular role, he is sheer.. magic.

Tommy Lee Jones in a slide-splitting act as firebrand, Thaddeus Stevens

I seriously hope they didn't sabotage "The Master" on purpose, by planting bad reviews and negative press to take it out of the race for Oscar nominations, because Oscar or not, this is one 'master'-ful movie. (Yeah, that was an intentional pun. Deal with it.)

A movie aptly titled to justify his class, Philip Seymour Hoffman in 'The Master'