THE HILLARIOUS BLOOD-LETTING IN AMAR AKBAR ANTHONY // 'GOD ALLAH AUR BHAGWAAN'- GOVERNMENT NE TAINU KAR DENA BAN

I have come across many examples of audience-manipulating scenes in my life- the kind where vast stretches of film would be dedicated to the sole purpose of making the audience cuddle-up in their seats, and sob- like babies in wet napkins. Tear-jerkers like "Koi hai? Gaadi roko, bhai", "Mere paas maa hai", and "Itna sannaata kyon hai, bhai?" immediately spring to memory.

The 'Numero Uno" status on my list, however, is reserved for one of the unintentionally hilarious closing scenes of "Amar Akbar Anthony", where the 'low-on-blood' mother ends up receiving blood transfusion from... WAIT... all her three sons. AT THE SAME TIME.

I don't know the exact medical terminology for this kind of miracle, but to call it the "Mother" of all blood transfusions wouldn't be far off the mark.

If Freud were alive, he would have a field day discussing the latent, but obvious Oedipal craving the sons have for their mother. There she lay, the Queen Bee, sucking on the veins of  the fruit of her flesh... okay, enough of the nauseating imagery.

The first time I saw this movie, I was a twiddling kid in shorts. When this scene played out, my attention wasn't drawn to the 'angry, young man' Amitabh Bacchan, 'live-wire' Rishi Kapoor, or 'Greek God' Vinod Khanna. And no, it wasn't drawn towards the mother, either. 

Rather, (and quite strangely) it was drawn towards the doctor. I thought- "WOW, maaaan... Did he just hook up three donors to one recipient or what... Blood donation charts be damned!. Whadda badass..."

The historic "foursome" blood transfusion scene from 'Amar Akbar Anthony'

I suspect that after seeing this movie, Rajesh Roshan had naughtily fantasised of  a situation where the mother gets knocked-up for a fourth time after this epic blood donation. What would the resultant child be? I think he had been carrying the idea in his subconscious for long enough before he finally released it from his system by composing a song, which is probably in line for being the 'Most Cringe-inducing Song of the Decade'- "God, Allah aur Bhagwaan- sabne banaya ek insaan."

I understand product-placement in movies to gain financial benefits, but using religion to gain profit-based mileage is, by me, the cheapest and loudest thing to hit Earth since Dolly Bindra's pink turban. And this song in question, it's not just a song- it is a time-machine back to the horrid times of the "naughty eighty" where lyricists like P.K Mishra used to write subtle lines of poetry such as- 

"Teri galiyon mein koi mard na chodunga, aurat bhi na chodunga"
"Kashtiya bhi lad gayi, mastiyaan bhi mil gayee"
"Latka dikha diya humne, jhatka laga diya tumne"

I LIKED 'BESHARAM' (aur main sharma nahin rahaa)

I just don't understand why 'Besharam' didn't work. The cold response did surprise me as I, for one, had found the movie quite funny, wittily written and well-acted, too. And these are three things alien to the so-called "100-crore blockbusters" of the moment.Yes, I would agree with those complaining about the done-to-death references to the Kapoors and the choice of the female lead. Now, now, don't get me wrong: Pallavi Sharda is a pretty thing to look at, speaks her lines with passion and dances lively.

But all that effort to score big with this "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity does give an over-projection to her acting and dancing (when the girl dances, it looks as if  her deliciously low-cut kurtis will burst at the seams). Likewise, when she speaks emotional sentences, her face resembles Renée Zellweger sucking on a lemon. But who had gone to check out Pallavi Sharda, anyways?

I digged the songs big time. "Dil ka jo haal hai" is a number that I'm humming to this day, and I don't remember the last time I had left a theatre with the tunes of the songs staying with me. The other numbers were also quite peppy, "Tu hai" was awesome.

Anurag Kashyap had recently said that he and his brother, Abhinav Kashyap would like to be different brands of film-makers. What he meant was Abhinav would primarily be into mass-entertainers, while he will continue with the dark, morbid stuff. 

I wasn't complaining of their mutual agreement as in "Besharam' I had found a movie that can be both engaging and at the same time, thoroughly entertaining. If this isn't a mass entertainer, maybe they are mistaking 'mass' for the term used in Physics. 

So, is it the Khan PR Sabotage machinery at work? Because we know very well what a certain Bollywood superstar 'khan' do when it comes to sabotaging careers, don't we? Vivek Oberoi went from 'Viveik Oberoi' to 'Viveik Anand Oberoi' and back to 'Vivek Oberoi' in three years, and it's never been the same for him. Similarly, one can recall the fall-out between the Khans and the Kashyaps over creative control and credit.

And Ranbir Kapoor is already the undisputed first choice for the multiplex audience with 'Wake up Sid', 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani', 'Rockstar', 'Barfi' etc. In tight times like these, if he starts delivering massy, single-screen hits as well, where will the Khans seek refuge then?

I only hope people don't stoop to such low gimmicks. I would prefer 'Besharam' to 'Chennai Express', 'Bodyguard' and 'Ready' any day. Or for that matter 'Dabanng-2', which, at least for me, was Abhinav Kashyap's 'Dabanng' all over again, only this time with a new villain and self-referential punch-lines. 

With the Khan brothers taking offence to anything and anybody any time, and dollying out their own version of "retributive justice", so as to speak, I can only think of one line to say- "Arre, Avengers se yaad aaya, Salman aur Arbaaz kaise hain?"